One cool thing about the IDkit is that it highlights DVD’s, organizations, and books that shed light on common issues queer teens encounter when growing up in faith based communities. This month we have a special guest interview from author Jallen Rix, EdD, author of Ex Gay No Way. Along with being an award nominated writer (Rix is among 5 Lambda award finalists in LGBT Nonfiction) Rix is also a sexologist and he has been open in an exclusive interview about teens, faith, and sexuality. Over the span of three posts we will read his unique and encouraging words on queer-Christian issues. 

Sex, Taboo, and Growing Up
Q: Crystal Cheatham
A: Jallen Rix EdD

Part 2: On Success & Friendship

One of the things that challenge LGBTQ’s is the knowledge that state and governmental laws aren’t always on our side. It’s hard to be comfortable with your sexuality when you know that your school can suspend you for being queer, or that you can be fired or thrown out of a restaurant for the same reason.

Q: Do you have any words of wisdom about confronting this fear?

A: I know it’s been said before, but you are not alone, and your circumstance is not forever. If your environment is oppressive, let it be known to people who might be able to do something about it – perhaps your parents, but also other people you look up to. Further, I can promise that it won’t be long before you can move out of the environment you are in and begin a whole new life – one that you can fashion into exactly what you want it to be.

Q:  From your book we know that your spirituality was tied into your musicality. Did you ever feel as though you wouldn’t succeed in life, in music, and at a career because of your orientation? (if yes how did you overcome those feelings of despair?)

A: Sure, I was afraid that the most authentic, unique parts of me would be the very parts that would cause my demise, and that people would reject. Yet, I found the exact opposite was true. Those characteristics that seem uniquely me, are the very same features I can make shine the best, and people are often most attracted to those aspects. Further, I surrounded myself with people that would accept me for who I am – as unconditionally as possible. I also had to go and find those people. I didn’t just sit at home and whimper “Why won’t anybody be my friend.” No! I went out there and made myself the best friend I could possibly be. It’s work, I know, but it’s how you build a family of your own.

*Thanks for reading! Stop by in a week for more of this exclusive interview with Jallen Rix EdD. Next up we will be discussing his thoughts on the Church and LGBTQ members.
-The Team of Your IDk

“Gay and lesbian children and teens, even those who are merely “questioning,” are between three and six times as likely to attempt or to die by suicide than their heterosexual peers.” –David Badish

I’m a bit annoyed with the state of teen suicides. It’s tragic that so many young adults are coming to the same conclusion when faced with the burden of growing up queer. But I’m even more frustrated with the finger pointing that ensued after the death toll started to climb last fall. Queer activists blamed the religious right and the religious right blamed… sin? Anyway, the validity of their arguments is not the point. What is so concerning is that in the wake of losing our teens to such a useless reason as ones orientation, we sought to point out shortcomings instead of working together to find an answer. It’s just unfortunate that in the absence of a real “work together” solution we chose to pick up rocks and start throwing them at each other. Real mature, we know.

But even though we have continued to lose youth since those headlines, it doesn’t mean that we can’t still try to correct our shortcomings. Without submitting to highfaluting ideas of reaching a real compromise between queer activists and the radical right (at least immediately), instead of naively believing that we can please everyone, the suggested answer is that we provide a means for the youth to come into their own understanding of the world around them. “In point of fact, the pain that drives these young people to suicide is not caused by being different, it is caused by others who tell them they are “different,” and treat them as different.”   Without all of the politics of what it is we personally believe, we should tell them what their up against by living in this world. After all aren’t we somewhat responsible for the mess its in? We can help by saying, “these are the rules of the war, this is what the weapons look like, this is how they will be used against you.” In this scenario we could go one further and provide a safety net for questioning youth. One that allows them the comfortability of distancing their personal identities from the greater causes of the war. Maybe something like a portable community center where they get resources, help guides, and peers who understand their feelings too. Continue reading →

What does it mean to be Christian and queer in today’s society? Popular notion says that lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and trans people cannot be Christian or conservative in thought. Oddly enough people from both sides support the argument (LGBTQs on one side, fundamentalists on the other) that the relationship between a queer religious anything is like (pardon the cliché) mixing oil and water.

I guffaw because it is not just the fundamentalist saying, “no you’re not allowed in,” but LGBTQs saying, “I don’t want to be part of your hyper-exclusive group.” Regardless of the advances made by affirming churches and even the rise of queer clergy everywhere, the line has been drawn, the guns cocked, and the air tense as we wait for battle.

And the battle ground? As it turns out it all seems balanced on the supreme courts final decision on Prop 8 and marriage equality. At least we’re hoping the shrapnel doesn’t rain very hard after that bomb hits. Through all the ups and downs of the queer rights movement we have landed on what some would say has been the crux of the disagreement all along, which is that homosexuality is a moral issue. It goes without saying that everyone is getting their ammunition from the Bible by sharpening the red letters of those “clobber texts. These are the Bible verses and stories that seem to condemn all that is queer and gay and homo, and well different than what has otherwise been perceived as normal sexual behavior.

My question today has to do with everyone else not quite armed with Uzi’s of rhetoric or PhD level terminology of what gender and orientation are. What about those underage fellows who should never be asked to join a war? What about the innocent teens sitting behind their desks in health class, reading through textbooks that don’t quite tell them what to do with their “unethical” questions about puberty? Continue reading →